


Of Old Fears and Borrowed Jumpers

by Anytha



Series: Head Canon Prompts [10]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Harry Potter References, MIT FitzSimmons, Romantic Friendship, pre-SHIELD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 14:56:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2233197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anytha/pseuds/Anytha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are moments when Jemma doubts herself and old fears resurface, making her shy away from everyone. Leo learns about this during finals at MIT and does all he can to help her. Somehow, one of his old jumpers does the trick. Headcanon series. Prompt #28: Forgotten. Prequel to 'A Jumper for Two'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Old Fears and Borrowed Jumpers

**Author's Note:**

> -HEAD CANON SERIES-
> 
> So, as promised, here's the sort-of-prequel to A Jumper for Two. Or should I say the biblical first half...? XD
> 
> Hope you guys like it: this was meant to be completely different to how it turned out to be. It starts a bit angsty but I've managed to draw some fluff out of me at the end... XD
> 
> I'm giving hints of other prompts that I'll write in a while...
> 
> Enjoy a bit of MIT-FitzSimmons .. .;)
> 
> The Prompt was #28 – Forgotten
> 
> Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this.

 

* * *

“I think we should call it a night.”

“Ten more minutes, please.”

“Seriously? You said that twenty minutes ago!”

  
  
Jemma looked up from her notes and frowned. Leo held her gaze with an arched brow.

They've had this talk many times now...

The library was empty and it wasn't really surprising given that it was almost midnight. The librarian usually kicked the students out after eleven o'clock at most but Mrs. Anderson had a soft spot for MIT's youngest students and allowed them to stay after closing time while she checked the study rooms and locked everything up.

But even  _ they  _ couldn't stay there any longer...

Leo sighed and started to put away his books and notes, careful not to snatch something from Jemma's abnormal stack of papers.

They were in their third year at MIT, the only seventeen year olds among the student body and they were both working hard so that they could graduate next year.

Leo glanced at his best friend who was utterly ignoring him and was back with her head buried in a large tome, occasionally shifting to look at her notes.

Something was wrong with Jemma: something was slightly off and it showed more as the days went by.

He had noticed that she seemed to be very agitated during this exam session and he didn't know the reason. He knew that the lessons and subjects were more challenging now but not to the point of worrying about them. And since Jemma was as intelligent (or more) than him, he didn't understand all of this nervousness.

“ Jemma,” he called softly, putting his notes inside his backpack. She didn't even look up from her book and went on scribbling something on a notebook. “ _ Jemma. _ ”

She looked up abruptly with a small frown on her face: it was the expression that she'd have when he would start talking to her during the very few classes they shared together.

The look that seemed to say 'Don't you dare bother me because you're bored' and 'I don't want to get in trouble because of you'.

“ What?” She said, barely hiding her annoyance. Leo arched a brow again: if he hadn't known her for almost three years, he'd be surprised by her attitude. Prim, gentle and all smiles Jemma Simmons could turn quite snappy if disturbed while studying: she took her studies, revision sessions and homework  _ very  _ seriously.

“We have to go,” he replied, putting his notes away and picking up his pens and pencils. “Mrs Anderson might like us but I don't think that she'll allow us to spend the night here...and I don't fancy staying either.”

Jemma looked at him blankly for a moment and then nodded, sighing as she put her things away.

Ten minutes later, they were walking to their dorm: thankfully the library was just a few minutes away. Leo couldn't wait to lie on his bed and sleep.

It was still a bit chilly despite the warm weather getting closer. Leo stretched his arms over his head as he walked side by side with Jemma in silence.

He glanced at her, taking in her tired gait and face. The finals' session was almost up: they had to do a couple of exams each before the end of the month and they'd be done for this year.

Jemma had been studying hard from the start but was definitely overworking herself in the last few days.

He didn't have tangible proof but he was pretty sure that she wasn't even sleeping: she was up before him that morning and he had the inkling that she had kept studying after they bid each other goodnight.

Leo felt a wave of concern as his eyes lingered on the dark rings beneath her eyes as they approached their door and were bathed in light. She swayed slightly as she walked up the stairs to the door.

Leo suddenly thought of his sister Alison. When she’d started working at the pub in her first years of Uni, she used to come home late at night and was dead tired even after a night’s rest. He recalled being worried for her as she smiled sleepily and swayed around the kitchen at breakfast before going to class.

 

Jemma looked just as exhausted. Or more.

 

He stepped forward and opened the door, letting her in. She smiled slightly, murmuring a soft thanks.

“Care to tell me what's wrong?” He asked softly as they took the stairs up to their dorm. It was rare for them to directly ask something to each other. They had long come to a silent agreement that whenever one of them had a problem, they'd talk when they were ready.

He and Jemma were very private people and rarely expressed their emotions but their closeness had made it easier to open up every now and then.

He could read Jemma's mood just as easily as she could read his own.

Right now, he was struggling to understand what was going on with her... and he didn't like it.

 

He had to fix that.

 

-:-

 

Jemma's head was heavy with words, calculations and definitions intermingled with the haziness caused by sleep-deprivation.

She was glad that the walk back to the dorm was quiet because she doubted that she'd be able to have a coherent conversation right now. There was a part of her that realised that she was being awfully snappy and grumpy to Leo lately and that she should apologize but the nerves she had been living with in the past few days told her to wait until the exams were over.

His question sounded incredibly loud in the quiet corridor. She turned to look at him, eyes widening slightly as she caught the concerned glint in his tone.

Something twisted in her stomach as she guiltily realised that he was worried for her.

Jemma opened the door and turned on the lights.

“Jemma?”

She turned around to find him standing by the door, eyebrows furrowed together and lips pursed. She smiled slightly, shaking her head.

“I'm just tired, Leo,” she said softly. “Nothing is wrong.”

“Are you sure?” His blue eyes pierced through her and she had to look away after a moment.

Trust Leo to understand her so well...

She had never had problems studying and getting ready for exams: she reacted well while under pressure. She just had the usual jittery feelings before an exam but then she would calm down; she'd sit down, write everything she knew about the questions on the papers and then leave with a light heart.

Jemma never boasted about her intelligence but there was a  _ reason  _ if she was one of MIT's youngest and most brilliant students.

But...

“I just really don't like Epigenetics,” she replied, ignoring the thoughts swirling in her brain and putting her bag on the sofa and sitting down. “I'll be happy when I'm done with it.”

Leo grimaced.

“Ugh... I've heard about that class,” he said, dropping on the sofa next to her after tossing his backpack on the ground with a dull thud. “Isn't it one of toughest in the biology curricula?”

“Yeah...” Jemma leaned against the sofa, closing her eyes and swallowing a series of fears and doubts that she would have liked to share with Leo in any other moment but not now that he was overwhelmed by his studies.

That class was the nemesis of most of the biology and chemistry students.

She knew seniors that had taken the exam  _ four  _ times and yet hadn't passed because Professor Carlton didn't like the way they discussed the concepts.

Jemma was pretty confident about her knowledge  but she was weary nevertheless. She had had a bit of a discussion with Professor Carlton during class, once, over some chemical procedure he was explaining. She had openly disagreed with his very theoretical explanation and had given a more logical and work-wise applicable one.

He had shot her down immediately although some of her classmates had seemed quite interested in her words. A few girls she knew at class warned her of being put on Carlton's blacklist and she had heard a few unflattering comments about her trying to be a know-it-all.

Jemma wasn't bothered by it at first but she had noticed a certain frostiness in Professor Carlton's interactions with her and the not-so-subtle glance some of the older students sent her way.

She doubted that the teacher would deliberately fail her but... what if...?

Jemma swallowed dryly.

This exam was the most important of her year and mandatory for other senior classes she'd have to take in the future; if she didn't pass, she’d have to wait to take it again and all of her plans to graduate next year would be messed up.

She and Leo had planned everything so meticulously. They were already looking up the PhD programs.

She didn't want to hinder him nor be left behind… A voice in her head told her that he should go on if she wasn’t smart enough to keep up.

But… the thought alone made her feel ill.

Why did she  _ still  _ have the habit of wanting to be right at any cost? She should know better now.

At school, back in Sheffield, she had the tendency to be a bit of a know-it-all. Some teachers indulged in her while others had become weary or irritated.

Many of her classmates had started calling her Hermione but not in an affectionate way...

It had been the time when the bullying at school had started and she felt as though no one could ever - _ ever _ \- understand her. Be like her.

The old, dark feeling of not belonging and being alone crept on Jemma again, tugging at her heart and mind...

 

“Hey.”

 

Jemma opened her eyes and turned to her side. Leo was staring at her and she felt a warm twinge in her chest as she saw the concern he was directing towards her.

Her lips quirk slightly upwards on their own.

Leo cared...

Jemma recalled all that loneliness and doubt that filled her days before meeting him…

“I'm fine,” she said, sitting up. “Really Leo...”

“Something is bothering you,” he stated. “It's the first time I've ever seen you so worried over an exam but it’s not just that...” He slowly reached for her face and delicately brushed his thumb under her eye. “And you're not sleeping.”

Jemma felt another little tingle of warmth at the contact: they were growing a bit more tactile around each other. And she was touched by the way he just seemed to know that something wasn't right.

She shook her head, taking his hand in hers and giving it a little squeeze.

“It's nothing: don't worry,” she reassured him. “I'm just a bit nervous for tomorrow's exam. I had a bit of a discussion with Professor Carlton once and... you know...”

“Oh, well, I do that all the time,” He grinned at her. “I always ask questions or discuss some theory when I'm bored or the professor says something unlikely. Remember when Professor Jensen almost kicked me out of Advances Physics when we discussed about relative theory?”

Jemma rolled her eyes as she laughed.

“How you managed to pass that exam is beyond me,” she said. “The man looked as though he would have liked to incinerate you with a glare.” She had been aghast by Leo's attitude and his brashness towards their professor...although she did agree with what he was saying.

“ See? If I didn't fail that exam, you clearly won't fail this one. I mean, it's  _ you _ we're talking about.”

“ And what is  _ that  _ supposed to mean?” Jemma narrowed her eyes at his teasing tone.

“You're Jemma Simmons: all prim, proper and polite. I can almost imagine that discussion: must have looked like a tea party.”

Jemma threw a cushion at him.

“Prat,” She stuck her tongue out at him.

Leo grinned, jumping away from her.

“Come on, it's late,” he said, holding his hand out at her. “You definitely need to sleep.”

Jemma allowed him to help her up and nodded.

Sleep seemed like a wonderful thing actually...

“ And  _ no  _ coffee tomorrow,” he added, looking at her with a dark look. “The caffeine helped only for a few hours and then I was feeling hyper the rest of the day.”

Jemma laughed softly. She had convinced him to take a coffee at the campus bar mid morning, hoping to benefit from caffeine-induced awareness: she had barely slept last night, revising. And Leo didn't know it.

Leo picked up his backpack and headed to his room.

“Night, Jemma,” he said with a smile.

“Goodnight, Leo,” Jemma smiled as she walked to her room with her own bag.

Once she opened the door, she saw her bed and almost heard her body begging her to change and drop on the mattress for a well deserved rest.

But her mind was still active...

What if she hadn't done enough? What if she didn't remember the last sections that Professor Carlton had explained? She excelled in preparation and good memory and not in improvisation and a drop of luck.

Jemma bit her lip and walked over to her desk, opening her bag and taking out her notes.

The exam was tomorrow morning.

 

Surely, she could revise another bit before going to bed...

 

It wouldn't be an issue...

 

-:-

 

When his alarm clock rang, Leo groaned and reached over to his bedside table to shut it down.

He had never been an early riser but he had slowly learned to get used to it since he often had morning classes. But that didn't mean that he liked it.

Having Jemma around helped though.

The girl was up and about as soon as the alarm clock rang and was her smiley persona before having breakfast.

How she managed that was beyond him...

However, his early rising today was caused by his desire to be among the first ones to give the Robotics lab exam. Professor Kido hung a sheet of paper out of his office and students signed their names according to their hour of preference in giving the exam, during the day.

Leo wanted to be among the first, if not the first one. He hated waiting in line and hated giving exams with professors who were bored or irritated after hours of questioning students. This lab was the second to last exam he had left: the sooner he finished, the better.

Leo shuffled out of his room and headed to the loo, yawning.

Ten minutes later, he was ready and walked to the kitchen to make breakfast. He glanced at Jemma's door, mildly surprised that she wasn't up already.

If he remembered correctly, her exam was at half past eight. He put the kettle on and started toasting some bread, shooting a glance at her door.

Still nothing and it was half past seven.

He didn't recall hearing her alarm clock...

'Maybe she overslept,' he thought, approaching her door. She did look exhausted last night...

Only then he noticed that the door was slightly open. Frowning slightly because Jemma always closed her door, he knocked softly.

“Jemma?” He called. “Jemma, can I come in?” He didn't get an answer. “I'm coming in.”

He slowly opened the door and blinked.

The room was empty.

He walked inside and saw that her bed was intact, pyjamas neatly folded at a corner. The window was closed, curtains drawn and that was odd: Jemma always had the habit to let fresh air in her room every morning.

He looked at her desk and saw Jemma's favourite tea mug near the lamp. He lifted it and found it ice-cold with a little bit of tea inside.

Leo frowned again as he slowly put the pieces together in his mind.

She must have studied the whole night again and had made herself some tea at a certain point. And then...she left early in the morning.

  
Where though?

The study rooms opened around eight o'clock along with the other campus facilities.

The library again? No, it opened at nine.

 

Leo ran a hand through his hair, feeling a little tingle of concern lacing his nerves.

He knew that she was acting strangely last night but he had thought that it was just some nervousness that was affecting overzealous Jemma. And he had his own thoughts about his studies and had dismissed her attitude too quickly.

He had hoped that he had calmed her down when he told her about his discussion with their professor.

Everyone saw Jemma as the bubbly, smiling and extremely intelligent English girl that studied hard and didn't seem to have any problems.

He knew that this wasn't true. Jemma was also a girl who had many doubts and fears and that could be suddenly swamped by them when she let her guard down.

It happened rarely as she was one of the strongest people he knew but she was only human.

She had a breakdown when they'd just come to MIT and learned that they couldn't go back to UK to spend Christmas with their families. Months later, she had hugged him in tears when he came back to the dorm after having been out all day, too lost in his thoughts about his dad and too caught up in his old fears and guilt to let her know that he was alright.

Leo still remembered her face even though years had passed since then: she had looked lost and terrified that something had happened to him. That day he realised that Jemma Simmons cared for him. A lot.

And that he cared too.

They had become best friends after that: talking and confiding to each other became second nature. In these two years, Jemma had learned to know him better than anyone else. And he knew her better than anyone.

Or so he thought… He tried to ignore the little twist in his chest at the thought that Jemma might not trust enough to tell him what bothered her.

Leo walked out of Jemma's room and dropped her mug into the sink.

 

He had to find her.

He had to figure out what was bothering her.

And he'd help her.

 

That's what they did: help each other. Always.

 

Leo drained his tea, cramming a piece of toast in his mouth and hurried to his room to pick up his backpack and the case where he had his blueprints scrolls.

However, the thought of being the first to reach the examination room had slipped out of his mind.

 

He had to find Jemma.

 

-:-

'One last chapter...'

 

The mantra has been going on in her brain for the better part of the night. She flipped through pages and graphs and got to the end of chapters, feeling sleepiness creeping in her mind but then a little voice would pipe up and Jemma would shake her head and go on.

It was almost four o’clock when she got up and fixed herself some tea. The warm liquid relaxed her nerves and she didn't realise how tired she was until she inadvertently fell asleep on her desk, arms folded on her notes and books.

The ring of the alarm clock on her phone made its way through her foggy and dream-hazed mind way too soon and Jemma forced herself to stand up. She wrapped her hands around her neck as she saw that it was half past six.

It was too late to go to sleep now but too early to go to the exam room. Jemma felt her nerves flare up again making her forget the bone-tiredness seeping into her body.

She knew that if she stayed there without doing anything, she'd probably fall asleep and that wouldn't help her. She'd just be groggy and confused during the exam.

And Professor Carlton would see right through her. She had seen him scold and belittle the students that arrived late at his early morning classes, ranting about priorities and being professional.

Jemma really didn't want to give him a chance to do that to her.

Without thinking anymore, she got ready and left the dorm with her bag on her shoulder.

It was seven o'clock and Jemma greeted Mrs Anderson who was watering the plants outside of the library and was allowed inside the old building through the back door.

The older woman had long taken a shine on her and Leo: she'd once mentioned that they resembled her children when they were younger. Jemma honestly wondered if the woman thought that she and Leo were siblings: the thought amused her to no end. It would be hilarious because they didn't even remotely look alike and yet their relationship was exactly like the one between a brother and sister.

And it would be less annoying than being referred to as a couple as everyone of their classmates did. People just didn't understand their relationship...

There wasn't anyone inside the library, of course, and Jemma took the table where she and Leo had spent hours studying the day before after grabbing a coffee from the vending machine. The dark liquid didn’t help her sleep deprived body and just left a bitter taste in her mouth.

She recalled Leo telling her not to drink coffee because it would make her hyper and a little smile made its way on her face.

The smile faded when she realised that she hadn't left him a message or a note saying where she was as she sat down and took out her notes: the desk was suddenly spacious unlike the day before where she had to tuck papers beneath books.

Jemma wondered if she shouldn't send him a text just to let him know that she was fine and just... What was she? Nervous? Paranoid? Overachieving?

She knew that Leo wouldn't judge her. He wasn't like her old classmates who thought that her intense studying was a way to belittle them; he wasn't like some of her teachers who thought that her moments of self-doubt were only a way to gain attention.

 

Leo cared....

 

But then she recalled how hard he had been working on his Robotics project, perfecting his designs. He had the exam this morning too and he hated waiting in line. He'd probably want to go straight to the Engineering wing after waking up, assuming that she'd left for her exam.

There was no reason for her to make him worry... With a soft sigh, she took out her book.

She was reading a particularly boring section about RNA epigenetic when she heard approaching footsteps. Sure that it was Mrs Anderson bustling around, Jemma didn’t even look up.

 

“Really Jemma?”

 

Jemma's head snapped up and her eyes widened. Leo was standing in front of her with his backpack and scroll case. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead: it looked as though he'd been walking around for a while...

And his eyes… She blinked: he looked upset.

 

“Leo? What are you doing here?”

 

-:-

 

The library was honestly the last place where he'd have looked for her. It was the building that opened later than anything else on campus.

He went to the campus bar first, finding it mildly full with older students and some teachers but no little, sleepy English biochemist-in-the-making was in sight.

He then wandered off to the quad and gardens area, hoping to find Jemma on a bench, book in her hands, nose buried in the pages and thoroughly oblivious to the outer world.

Yet...no luck.

After walking around the Biology wing where the doors were still closed, he walked around the campus, looking everywhere. He almost wished to see Jemma walking around, looking exhausted like yesterday: it was better than not finding her.

He was getting more and more concerned. And more than a little paranoid. At some point, he even looked behind the trees and bushes near the sidewalks in fear that she might have passed out in exhaustion.

His heart thudded in his chest at the thought. Alison had fainted once after overworking herself too much between work shifts and Uni: he still remembered the wave of fear he had felt when Alec literally carried her home that late evening a few years ago. And he remembered the usually calm boy yell at his sister for being irresponsible. Alison had been uncharacteristically quiet and had accepted his rant but Leo realised that it was only because she saw how worried Alec was.

Leo walked in front of the library and saw Mrs Anderson tending to the plants outside. He managed to quirk his lips in what he hoped was a smile as she beamed at him and waved.

He then noticed the front door slightly open and blinked. It wasn’t even eight o’clock.

What if-?

Leo walked to the door and Mrs Anderson didn’t even look up from the rosebush she was tending.

“She’s at your usual desk,” she said. “I let her in when she walked by this morning.”

“Oh..-er… thanks,” Leo replied and walked inside.

When he saw Jemma in the same position she had been last night, head buried in her notes, he almost wondered if he’d dreamt of her leaving the library with him.

Maybe, she had been there all night after all…

All the concern that had filled him in the past half an hour suddenly turned into something colder as he saw her sitting there, apparently unaware of everything.

He felt a wave of hurt crash against his heart: she hadn’t even bothered to leave him a note or anything… She just left at the crack of dawn and thought that it was perfectly normal.

Did she think that he didn’t care?

Swallowing dryly, Leo approached her and noticed the even darker rings around her eyes and the clear fatigue etched on her face.

And yet her eyes were frantically scanning her notes, fingers strumming nervously against the wooden table.

Leo couldn’t really understand what was happening: what had gotten her in such a frenzy? There was no reason for her to worry about an exam even if she had a minor spat with a teacher.

There was something else that she wasn't telling him.

When he spoke loudly, barely hiding a hint of disbelief and even anger in his voice, she looked up in surprise.

Jemma's usually bright eyes were dazed and she looked even more exhausted than he had assumed.

“ What the bloody hell are  _ you  _ doing?” He blurted out ignoring her question and dropping his backpack and case on the heavy wooden desk with a dull thud. Had it been any other moment, he would have been weary of attracting the attention -or annoyance- of the other people in the library but it was empty now so he really didn't have restraint.

Jemma looked at him with confusion, eyes glinting with a mingle of emotions.

“Leo...” she said softly and he heard guilt in her tone.

The little anger he felt whooshed out of him, leaving only concern and a bit of hurt. He took the seat next to her, forcing her to turn around to look at him and sighed softly.

“Jemma...” He started slowly.

“Leo, it’s nothing really…” She dragged her hand on her notes. “I’m just anxious for this exam.”

“ It’s  _ not  _ the exam,” he retorted. “I’ve seen you study things that you’ve never heard before without being like-” He pointed vaguely at her. “-like  _ this _ .”

He felt another twinge in his chest as she looked away, bangs hiding her face. For some reason that he couldn’t understand, she didn’t want to confide in him.

Leo didn’t expect that to hurt him so much…

He had been used to keep things to himself and mull over his thoughts, fears and doubts. Jemma, on the other hand, tended to tell him or coax him to open up and would randomly express her own doubts and fears.

And he  _ had  _ opened up to her. Leo probably spoke more freely with Jemma than with his mother or sister. He was starting to care for her as much (or more-he realised) as he did for Alison.

He didn’t know what he did or said but she had started to withdraw from him in the past days.

Maybe he’d been too outspoken, he had taken advantage of her gentle nature…

 

Or maybe, she’d just got tired of having to listen to him constantly…

 

He’d gotten used to her. Used to having her around constantly to talk and live with in these two years. He didn’t know if he’d be able to step away from her now that he got used to being close.

Maybe, she was tired of being constantly associated to him.

Their classmates and sometimes even teachers thought that they were a couple. They had talked about it, laughed about it in their dorm because...really? They were friends, best friends, and how could people not even see that?!

 

Jemma might be tired of that..

 

Maybe, he overstepped some boundary between them.

 

Running a hand through his hair, Leo turned to Jemma.

“Look, I-I can understand if you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong,” he said softly. “You’re not really obligated to do so. I mean… I’m not- I'm just... But… I’m worried, alright? You look as though you could pass out here and there. You're acting as though everything is fine but I know that it's not. I just want you to take care of yourself.” He swallowed dryly. “I don't want to annoy you but- but you're my best friend. I care for you....”

 

Leo realised that he'd never been so honest and outspoken even with his family but he didn't mind it.

 

Jemma mattered more.

 

-:-

 

She couldn't bear to look at his face.

For the first time since they'd known each other, Jemma was ashamed of herself and didn't want to confront Leo.

She didn't have the courage to tell him that she was scared about failing: a little ripple of doubt had her spiralling into a vortex of fear that was slowly swallowing her whole.

It was irrational but she felt like she was at school again: overwhelmed by doubts, full of fear and struggling to behave as though nothing was wrong and trying to keep the façade.

It was like being a little fourteen years old girl again...

However, his words made their way to her brain and her eyes widened. It was actually his tone that made her turn around to look at him.

Leo looked so... guarded. She hadn't seen that look on his face in a while; perhaps since beginning of their friendship when they were still wondering how much they could trust each other.

How much  _ he  _ could trust  _ her  _ because she had always -without even realising it- trusted him.

Something twisted in her stomach when he shifted slightly back on his seat as though expecting her to shun him.

It occurred to her that it was  _ exactly  _ what she had been doing in the last few days.

In her poor attempt to keep her doubts to herself and act normal, she had drawn herself away from Leo.

How must have all of this looked to him?

His last words echoed in her brain

 

“ _ I don't want to annoy you but- but you're my best friend. I care for you....” _

 

He thought that she didn't want to confide in him. He thought that she didn't want to talk to him about whatever was going on with her.

 

_ He thought that she didn't trust him. _

 

The tightening in her stomach doubled.

“ No,” she whispered. “You-  _ No _ , Leo... You got it wrong.”

Jemma pushed her books and notes away as she leaned forward and grabbed his shoulder, hoping that he wouldn't stop her and move away.

He didn't, thankfully, but he still looked guarded. Leo looked as though he was expecting her to push him away in any second.

She swallowed dryly as the hollow feeling that had been crawling in her body in the last couple of days appeared in her stomach again.

She didn't want to make him worry: that was the reason behind her caginess towards him.

“I-I-” She didn't know what to say: words were suddenly lost to her. She hadn't thought of how he would had seen her attitude; she hadn't thought about the blind implications and theories he might have concocted.

“You don't have to tell me anything,” Leo said softly, smiling crookedly. Jemma's heart twisted at the sadness etched in his eyes and smile.

“No, I have to,” she replied quickly. “I should have told you rather than-” She took a deep breath, trying to steady her erratic heartbeat.

The last thing she'd ever want was to lose Leo in favour of her ridiculous doubts.

Jemma suddenly realised that this situation had occurred years ago but in reverse. Leo had kept his fears and pain over his dad from her and had just disappeared for a day without letting her know anything of his whereabouts.

She had been overwhelmed with concern and fear for him. She had felt sad that he hadn't talked to her and confided in his troubles.

She'd done the same with him now.

Jemma never wanted him to feel like that.

Tears were threatening to spill out of her eyes when she used her hand on his shoulder to bring him closer and hugged him. Tight.

Jemma felt Leo stiffen slightly and she desperately hoped that he wouldn't pull away: she needed this. She had always forced herself to be strong on her own and not allow anyone -even her parents- to see the moments when she would have liked to just... crumble.

Leo was different: he could understand. He'd always understand.

She needed him.

He stayed still for a moment before slowly wrapping his arms around her waist. Jemma almost cried in relief.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered against his neck, hands gripping the back of his jumper. “I didn't mean to shut you out but-”

“Shhh,” he said softly, moving his hand up and down her back. “It's alright, Jemma.”

She shook her head, biting her lip and restraining tears again when she heard the soothing note in his voice and the word just spilt out of her mouth in a flooding stream.

“I don't even know how it happened but I just started feeling like I did when I was at school and I couldn't stop it. It just crept on me while I was studying and lingered. I just felt... alone again. I didn't want to make you worry: you've got your exams to think about too. I didn't want to shut you out: I'd trust you for anything,” She moved back and looked at him, feeling the tears welling in her eyes but holding them back. “I'm so sorry, Leo.”

“Hey, it's okay,” he whispered softly, moving his hands to her shoulders and squeezing slightly. “I just didn't know what to think: I couldn't understand what was happening to you and my head just started to... go the wrong way.” He smiled sheepishly. “You know how that happens.”

She nodded and she brushed her sleeve across her eyes to wipe the tears away.

“Yeah...” She agreed. “I let silly thoughts take over after hearing some of my classmates commenting about me being-” She huffed. “-A know-it-all. And the spat with Professor Carlton just got over my head and messed everything up.”

She felt Leo's fingers grip her shoulders tighter for a second and an emotion close to anger flashed in his eyes.

Jemma wondered if she should be worried that his reaction made a rush of affection surge in her chest rather than make her feel concerned.

“Don't listen to them,” he said resolutely. “I know it stings but... they don't understand.”

“ _ You  _ do,” she remarked smiling slightly.

He looked at her and smiled softly, shrugging a bit.

“I suppose it's bound to happen when you're a fourteen years old genius, yeah?”

“Yeah...” Jemma took a deep breath and unravelled her arms from him. “I'm really sorry, Leo.”

“Don't apologize,” he said, shaking his head. “I can understand. I mean... I did the same with you when I was out and about during my dad's death anniversary,” He looked at her carefully. “I shut you out because I didn't want to make you worry. You did the same.”

She looked at him.

“I should have known better though...” She stated.

“Alright... Let's just assume that it won't happen again. You convinced me to trust you and talk if something is wrong. You'll do the same,” He grinned at her. “Otherwise, what sort of friend would I be?”

Jemma smiled. He was the sort of friend that would help her even when she didn't deserve it.

“Alright...” She agreed and leaned against her chair. “How horrible have I been to you lately? Be honest.”

“Horrible? No...” He said, shaking his head and leaning on his chair. “Just a bit snappy and grumpier than usual when I tried to talk you out of studying.”

“ Grumpier  _ than usual  _ ?” Jemma whacked his arm half-heartedly, grinning when he laughed. “You prat!”

“You were quieter than usual...and tired,” His eyes scanned her face and Jemma honestly didn't want to imagine what he saw after three nights of almost no sleeping. “You're going straight to bed after your exam.”

She smiled: his tone resembled the one Alison and Alec used with him. She felt oddly warm, cared for...

And then his word sank in clearly.

 

Her exam.

 

Jemma looked at her watch and her eyes widened when she realised that she had to be in class in less than fifteen minutes.

“Oh bloody...” She jumped up, startling Leo and started to put her notes and books away.

“Woah, Jemma!” Leo blurted. “Take it easy!”

“I've got to go!” She put her pencils and pens away in her case. “I didn't realise that it was so late already.”

Her nerves were getting the best of her again: she felt them flaring and filling her with a hollow feeling again. She took a deep breath, trying to calm down as she put her books and notes in her bag. However, in her haste, she forgot the little Styrofoam cup of cold coffee lying on top of her notebook. When she grabbed it, the cup flew in air along with the coffee and went all over the floor and on her.

Jemma froze and looked down at herself: there were brown stains all over her beige cardigan.

Any other time, she would have rolled her eyes for being so clumsy or she would have laughed at herself.

 

But now... She was nervous, sleep-deprived and suddenly angry with herself.

 

“Bloody Hell!” She cried out.

 

-:-

Leo jumped when she cursed and realised that Jemma was about to have a breakdown.

The coffee spill must have been the last straw for her nerves...

Now that he knew the reason behind her behaviour, he knew what to do for her.

He knew how to help her.

“Jemma,” He moved forward and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. She had her eyes screwed shut and was pursing her lips hard, mouth a thin white line. “Jemma.”

She looked at him with frustrated, watery amber eyes.

“Take a deep breath,” he said softly. “It's nothing. Just a minor inconvenience.”

“Leo, I've got fifteen minutes,” she retorted. “There's no way I can get back to the dorm-”

“Come on,” He took her hand and tugged her towards the loo.

“Leo, what-?”

“Trust me,” He turned around an aisle and stopped in front of the closed door. Jemma looked at him in confusion.

Leo reached for the hem of his jumper and took it off, shaking it slightly before handing it out to her. He felt the cool air on his shirt.

“Here,” he said. “Put this on. I'll go find some paper towels to clean the floor.”

“Leo?” Jemma stared at him and then at the jumper.

“I know it's not your size and possibly not your style either,” Leo scratched the back of his neck. It had seemed a good idea at first; he wasn't so sure now... Jemma was still staring at him and he felt warmth creeping on his cheeks. “But.. Well... It's clean and without coffee...”

Jemma's fingers curled tighter around his fingers and before he knew it she hugged him again.

“Thank you,” she whispered shakily against his ear. “I don't know what I'd do without you.”

Leo blushed a darker shade of red but smiled. She shot him a small smile before going inside the loo.

A few minutes later, Leo was tossing away the coffee-soaked paper towels in a bin when Jemma appeared again. He looked at her and smiled.

Alison had given him the light green jumper for his birthday and it was a bit large on him but -as his sister claimed- he'd fill it in no time, given his recent growth spurt.

Jemma was shorter and slighter than him and the jumper hung loose on her, swallowing her thin frame. Her blouse appeared out of the wide collar and he noticed that she had rolled the sleeves up so that her hands were visible. The hem of the jumper reached her mid thigh.

He was oddly...pleased to see her in one of his favourite jumpers.

“Do I look ridiculous?” She asked, fidgeting with the rolled up sleeve. Leo saw that her eyes were dry but still held a bit of nervousness.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “It's a bit large, yeah, but you look-” The word that came to his mind was adorable but he didn't think that he should say it loudly. “-fine.”

Jemma smiled slightly and picked her bag. He followed her suite.

They walked towards the Biology department and stopped when they approached the large room where the Epigenetics exam was going to take place.

Leo glanced at Jemma and saw her slightly rigid stance and nervous look.

“Hey,” he whispered, nudging her shoulder with his. “Everything will be fine. This exam will be a piece of cake for you: you've been studying like crazy for days.”

“Yeah...” She sounded a tad doubtful.

“Come on, you're Jemma Simmons.”

“You make it sound as though that was a guarantee of success,” Her voice held a teasing note.

“Pretty much,” he shot back with a grin and she smiled. “Good luck.”

“Thank you,” She looked at him and her smile softened. “Really, thank you, Leo.”

He blushed slightly but waved his hand at her dismissively.

“See you later, yeah?” He said as he turned to leave.

“I'll text you when I'm done,” she replied and he nodded, walking away.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw that she was still standing there; she waved and then entered the room.

Leo walked down the corridor leading out of Biology department and stopped at the threshold. He should be going to the Engineering building; as they walked here, he had seen a large number of students that followed the Robotics course with him and that were probably in line to do the exam.

However, the exam wasn't the first thing he had in mind now...

Making a quick calculation in his head, he took a decision and walked out of the building.

 

-:-

 

Jemma took a seat at the front as soon as she got inside the room and immediately got ready for the exam. She was feeling more alert now (probably the little rush of adrenaline for the exam) and she felt calmer than she had in days.

She looked at her hands and saw that the green sleeves were unravelled and reached past her knuckles. Smiling to herself, she started to roll them up again, one at a time.

A few older girls walked by and shot her an odd look. Her nerves tingled for a moment before she realised that it was probably her appearance that surprised them.

Leo's jumper was clearly male and very large on her. She must be quite a sight to see...

Jemma thought about her best friend and his sweet way to help and calm her and smiled, sinking in her seat and resting her chin on her hands.

She caught a whiff of mixed scents: mint, the metallic tang of solder and the well-known scent of Leo's cologne.

It sent a warm wave of calm through her body.

When Professor Carlton walked in and started talking after handing out the test papers, Jemma's mind was clear and focused and the hollowness that she had felt for days vanished.

 

Three hours later, she walked out of the room with one of her classmates who was commenting about some questions and asking her about them.

Jemma felt light-hearted and slightly drained: her tiredness was coming back and she honestly didn't want to do anything more than go to sleep.

She tuned out her classmate's voice and reached for her phone in her bag. Leo was probably either in line for the exam or done with it by now...

He was probably going to be grumpy about the fact that he had to wait for so long. And yet he didn't go to the exam early just to find her. And then he calmed her down and walked her to the exam.

Her best friend was indeed the best in the world.

A smile made its way on her face as she tapped on the phone, ready to send him a text.

“Hey, Simmons, your boyfriend's here.”

Jemma turned around abruptly barely bothering to correct the older girl because, honestly, how many times had she said 'He's not: he's my best friend'?

Sure enough, standing in a corner by the line of large windows of the corridor, was Leo. He looked quite out of place there with his backpack and blueprints scroll case: everything about him screamed 'Engineering'.

“Er-” Jemma turned to the other girl. “I've got to go.”

“Sure, sure...” The girl grinned. “Don't make him wait.” She looked at Leo rather appreciatively. “I've got to say it, Simmons: you've got good taste.”

Jemma blushed at the comment and hurriedly said goodbye. She approached Leo who was busy typing on his phone and didn't see her.

“Leo?” She stopped in front of him, making him look up with wide eyes.

“Jemma!” He smiled and straightened up. “How did the exam go?”

“I think well,” she replied cautiously. “What about yours? I thought you'd still be there: I was going to text you.”

“Er-” Leo scratched the back of his neck, messing with his shirt collar. “Actually...I didn't go.”

“ _ What? _ ”

“No wait-I mean... I'm going later. I'm the first in the afternoon session, at half past one.”

Jemma stared at him. He wasn't making any sense...

He always wanted to finish exams as soon as possible: it was his regular modus operandi.

“Why?” She asked in bewilderment.

Leo looked at her and she saw the faint blush on his cheeks. His hand was now wrangling his shirt collar.

“I wanted to be sure that you were alright and that you actually slept once you got to our dorm,” he mumbled quickly and looked away. “I couldn't really focus...”

Jemma stared at him for a solid minute and Leo fidgeted under her gaze.

  
For  _ her _ ?   
  


Leo had been talking about the Robotics exam since the finals' session had started. He'd been working on the project and its blueprints for months: it was the exam that he prepared the most for.

And yet...he'd postponed it because he was worried for her.

He couldn't focus on his exam because he was worried for her.

Jemma felt a rush of affection for him, a warm and soft feeling that enveloped her. Swallowing the sudden lump in her throat, Jemma stepped up and brushed a kiss against Leo's cheek making him blush a darker shade of red.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “You're truly the best friend in the world.”

He smiled bashfully and shrugged.

“Lunch?” He suggested, tilting his head towards the exit. Jemma nodded and hooked her arm with his as they walked out together.

 

-

 

When they got back to their dorm after a quick lunch at the campus cafeteria, Jemma was exhausted. She literally dragged herself back to her room with Leo helping her inside.

She barely had time to mutter a quick good luck to him before she passed out on her bed without bothering to change.

When she woke up, it was almost five in the evening and she felt a bit out of it. She ran a hand through her tangled hair and got up and when she opened her door, she saw Leo sitting on the sofa, reading.

Smiling slightly, she approached him.

“Hey,” she said softly, touching his shoulder and sitting down next to him. “How did Robotics go?”

 

-:-

 

Leo looked up and smiled as sat down next to him. She was still wrapped in his jumper: he wondered if she'd forgotten that she was wearing it.

“Well, I think,” he replied. “Did you sleep well? Feeling better now?”

He looked at her carefully and noticed that she still had dark rings beneath her eyes but the fatigue that she'd been showing for days seemed to be gone.

Jemma smiled softly and nodded, stifling a yawn.

“I feel better,” she admitted. “A bit groggy though: I'm not used to sleeping during the day.”

“Well, that's because you haven't been sleeping during the night as a normal person,” He glanced at her, smiling teasingly.

She huffed and leaned against him, head resting on his shoulder. She was warm from sleep and he was enveloped by the scent of lavender that she carried on herself.

“I know, I know...” She peeked at him through her lashes. “I've been stupidly overworking myself and worrying too much.”

“Hmm,” he assented, shifting slightly so that she'd be comfortable. He absently fiddled with the cover of his book as he recalled how she looked that morning or after lunch.

“Talk to me if it happens again, yeah?” Leo played with the book in his hands, fingers moving quickly. “I don't want you to fall sick because you think that you'll bother me. I'm here for you: don't forget that, Jemma.” He tilted his head to glance at her. “What am I even doing here if not to help you out when you need it?”

Jemma moved her head and stared at him.

“I know how it feels like,” he quickly added. “Bryce and his friends did their part in making high school a living hell for me but... my own doubts and fears helped too.”

Her amber eyes were looking at him searchingly and he held her gaze until she smiled and nodded.

“I will,” she promised. “And you have to do the same.”

He nodded, smiling slightly and opened his book again, finding the page that he had been reading before she appeared.

They didn't speak for a few moments and the only sound came from their soft breathing and the gentle ripple of the pages of his book.

Jemma shifted against him again and Leo turned only to find her head niched between his neck and shoulder as she peered at the pages.

“Where are you?” She asked curiously, strands of hair falling into her face. He grinned.

They had started to re-read the Harry Potter books together since the fifth installment would be coming out in a few months. They usually read together, commenting or laughing about their favourite scenes but in the last weeks, with their exams and studies, they've been reading less or on their own. They were both reading Prisoner of Azkaban now.

“I'm still at the beginning,” he said, showing the larger unread portion of the book. “Robotics and Advanced Mechanics sucked up my life and time.”

“I'm about to start chapter seven,” Jemma said. “Lupin's first lesson with Harry.”

“Oh... boggart-Snape dressed as Neville's Gran?” Leo grinned as Jemma laughed, shaking him in the process.

“So...which chapter are you at?” She asked after a while.

“Chapter five,” he replied, eyes on the pages. He glanced at her and smiled mischievously. Jemma arched a brow.

“What?” She asked, looking at him. Leo ignored her, flicking back through the pages until he found what he wanted. He held his book higher, clearing his voice and started reading loudly.

 

“ _ What’s all that, Hermione?” Harry asked, pointing at not one but three bulging bags in the chair next to her. _

“ _ Well, I’m taking more new subjects than you, aren’t I? said Hermione. “Those are my books for Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, Study of Ancient Runes, Muggle Studies —” “What are you doing Muggle Studies for?” said Ron, rolling his eyes at Harry. “You’re Muggle-born! Your mum and dad are Muggles! You already know all about Muggles! _

“ _ But it’ll be fascinating to study them from the wizarding point of view,” said Hermione earnestly. “Are you planning to eat or sleep at all this year, Hermione?” asked Harry, while Ron sniggered. Hermione ignored them. _

 

Leo turned to Jemma and grinned.

“Sounds familiar to you, overworking and non-sleeping biochemist-in-the-making?” He teased. “Hermione does seem a lot like you. Or is it the other way round?”

Jemma whacked his arm.

“Prat,” she said and huffed, her warm breath tickled the right side of his neck. A shock of tingles and shivers ran down his spine and Leo moved away, grimacing and contorting a bit.

Jemma sat up with an odd gleam in her eyes that he was sure wouldn't bode him well.

“Oh...are you ticklish, Leo?” She asked and he frowned.

“Don't you dare, Jemma,” he warned, putting away the book to have his hands free. She looked at him before leaning back on the sofa.

“Hmm..” She hummed and waited until he was sitting comfortably again with his book before lodging her head on his shoulder. “Go on...”

Leo looked at her in confusion.

“What?”

“Read,” she explained. “I like listening to your voice.”

He blushed.

“No, you don’t,” He tried to keep his voice steady. “You just like to listen without having to read.”

“Well, you caught me,” He could clearly hear the tease in her voice. It brought a smile to his face.

He glanced at her again and saw her lips drawn in a little smile.

“Right then...”

He went back to the point that he had bookmarked and started to read.

 

“ _ Tom woke Harry the next morning with his usual toothless grin and a cup of tea...” _

 

He read slowly, mimicking voices every now and then and grinning as Jemma laughed. And when he felt her doze off against him, he lowered his voice but kept reading loudly.

Jemma snuggled closer to him and he glanced at her.

“Leo,” she whispered sleepily. “You really are the best friend in the world.”

He smiled.

“As so are you, Jemma,” he whispered back and resumed reading.

 

-:-

Days later, the exam results were out.

Jemma got the highest grade and the compliments from Professor Carlton along with the suggestion to write down her theories and develop them during her doctorate.

Leo got the highest grade on his exam but he was too busy teasing Jemma for worrying too much to actually appreciate his success.

Though he  _ did  _ realise that Jemma still had his jumper.

 

He had the fleeting feeling that he wouldn't see it any time soon.

And, funnily enough, he wasn't too unhappy about it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please, leave a comment... :)


End file.
